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Sweet Bed Calling...

Just got done mixing the new Voyager song.  So exhausted.  It's been a long week.  I am ready for an eternal sleep.

Transitions by choice courtesy of brains.

After somewhat of a crappy couple of months, I am ready to make some changes. Although the transitions I have planned will likely be drawn out and difficult, I can only hope they will bring my family and I some peace and serenity. Habits can be hard as fuck to break, but I'll do my best. Maybe it'll all be worth it in the end.
Let's just hope I can avoid anymore mental breakdowns on the way.

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Going to God.

It's been a strange few weeks and it is getting stranger by the day. I have been feeling a lot of emotions that I have been bottling up for many years. God is becoming something of a comfort as I've been going to him with my problems throught prayer. I have found out a lot about myself these last few weeks, and it is dawning on me now just how deeply disturbed I truely am. God bring me peace. Give me strength. Forgive me for being me.

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Hmmph

I have been feeling really alone latey, and not in a good way. Where are all my friends. Where the fuck is everybody?? What happened?

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Still here...

Although I don't want to be. I don't like myself today.

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Dark days are here again.

I have been feeling really depressed and disconnected lately. I feel like I don't really have any friends that care if I'm alive or dead. The wife and I just are not getting along the greatest. My cat still loves me. I got that going for me. Other than that, nothing feels right these past few days. I don't even know who I am anymore. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. Fuck everyone anyway. I hate people in general. I'm going to bed.

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Peter Steele

Sad... Just sad.

A big loss to the music world.

At least you are in a better place, jammin' with Dimebag and Earl Root.

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jamesmonte.net no more.

jamesmonte.net is down and after nearly 10 years of doing nothing with it, I can't think of a reason to renew it.  It's been real, but it's time to move on.

The plan (long term)

1. Advance professional career to a point of definite security. Once enough time and experience in the field is established, there will be less need to worry.

2. Fufill dreams. Once the attempt is honestly made, then I'm happy. I just want to put out a record that I can be proud of. I want to look back at my music "career" and be able to say I gave it my best shot. I never really cared about fame or money. After that I can retire from performing and just focus on making music for myself at my leisure.

3. Build a life for my family and a retirement plan. When all the craziness is done I want to get off the grid and retire to a remote location with my family and live out our lives in the peace and quiet of the calming wilderness.

It all seems easy enough, but it is a lot of work. The wheels are in motion though and I can see one if not two of my goals met within 5 to 10 years. I pray we keep on track.

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Another Day

As the dawn breaks and the first beam of light penetrates through the cheap polyesther curtains, I awaken to the sound of morning commute. The earth shakes with the rumble of freight trucks barreling down the freeway. My throat is dry from sleeping with my mouth open. My eyelids are heavy and burn like hot sticky lead. My head is sore as if I had spent the whole night drinking. My mind feels broken and useless. My spirit is crushed but not dead, only wounded and frightened like a bleeding dog. The day begins, responsibilities are ever nagging but I cannot lift a limb. I feel like I have lost many a battle but the war rages on. Can I face another day? I have no shoulder. I have me.

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